I had originally planned, in yesterday’s blog, to go into a bit of detail about my current experience with the online dating scene. Then I tried the real life dating scene – introduce myself to a neighbor, call “the handyman who lived here for awhile” – both without avail.
Here’s where I’m at so far, with the online scene:
· Joined match.com. Results: no communication allowed unless you pay. Oh, yes, you can do something called “sending a wink,” whatever that is, but that’s it. No communication allowed. Minimum fee: $20.00/month. I will let it ride and see what my other options are.
· I am immediately overwhelmed by spam from match.com.
· Joined ok.cupid.com. No fee, everything is free. Navigating the site is a bit of a challenge, but anything in life that’s worth a decent result requires a decent effort, no?
· Everytime I attempt to read a profile on ok.cupid.com, search my matches, or do any sort of navigation on the site, I get bombarded with pop-up windows. When I exit the pop-up, the site takes me back to the beginning, and I can never find the guy I was looking at.
· Oh, and then the virus warnings started coming. Screw this. I’m un-joining. Effective immediately. Immediately being tomorrow.
· (Saturday) After a long, really hot day taking care of practical business, I fire up my computer with the sole intent of blogging about my unsuccessful dating attempts (real and cyber). Should take about 10 minutes for my computer to boot up (I have very low high speed).
· Upon start-up, my computer is apparently feeling threatened and begins a full-on hard drive scan-and-assault mission. One and one-half hours later, it has achieved 23% completion and “corrected” no fewer than 25 viruses.
· Abort. (See * below) Continue later. I need to write.
Now, Saturday, 8.23.14
Beatin’ the Heat
Friday, 11:00 p.m.
After dunking myself in the pool a couple dozen times, I call it a night (sans neighbor guy, probably a good thing!). I go to bed wet (you know what I mean: wet, like a horse that’s been ridden hard, or um, like a fish out of water, yeah that’s what I am), hoping the ceiling fan will stir the air enough to give me the allusion of coolness. (Y’all know that I don’t have air conditioning, right?)
Saturday 12:30 a.m.
OMG, it’s freakin’ hotter than it was 2 hours ago. I am lying in bed in a puddle of sweat. There are only 3 possible solutions: 1) Sleep in the pool and risk drowning (been there, nearly done that). 2) Put about 3 inches of water in the bathtub and sleep there and wake up with a really stiff neck. 3) Cover myself in a wet towel. It will leave stains on the sheets, but that’s okay cuz I’m doing laundry tomorrow.
I opt for option #3, getting up and re-wetting the towel at least 3 times thru the night. At one point, I even poured my (always-by-my-side) bottle of water over my face.
Saturday, 9:00 a.m.
90 degrees already. Hot coffee, that should hit the spot! Off and running to do errands by 11:00. Laundry, at the laundromat, one of my least favorite chores in the world! (I used to have a functioning laundry room once and if I was staying I would invest in it again. Yet again, my reality/my future, dictates my present.)
Saturday 11:00 a.m.
Laundry started, off to the bank, the grocery store…and anywhere else I can drive to keep the wind blowing on me. Oh, the Farmer’s Market on the north side of town, 2.5 miles away. Okay! Except I knew it would be – and it was – a waste of time and gas (2 vendors, pathetic!), but it killed time (man, I hate KILLING time!).
Saturday 11:30 a.m.
Back to the laundromat, clothes into the dryers. Off to check out a new discount variety store just blocks from my house (a building I originally considered buying after the city turned down my zoning variance way-back-when). I bought a book (“My Cross to Bear,” Gregg Allman’s autobiography) and four really freakin’ awesome 3-D pictures that beg the beginning of a new collection. Now my laundry trip has cost me an additional $20.00 but that’s really quite okay.
Saturday 12:00 noon
Laundry mission accomplished, and it was a big one, needing to be done for months. My next Mt. Everest is mowing the lawn. The bank thermometer says 93 degrees, but me thinks it lies. It’s 110, at least. But my pool is ready, and I have cold beer. In case a guy shows up.)
Saturday 2:00 p.m.
Lawn done. Yea, me. How does anyone survive summer without a pool? ($14.00 at Wal-Mart, gotta love them, sometimes!)
*Saturday 6:00 p.m.
Computer scanning aborted. Blog written and posted. NOW WHAT? It’s Saturday night and it’s not right. Got a full plate planned for Sunday, but I gotta get there first. I’ve got a good book to sink my teeth into, but I doubt that it’s water-(pool)-proof. Maybe I should work on an invention for that…I’ll make millions and you can say you knew me when.
Do I go and check on guys at my dating websites? Do I go and cancel my “memberships?” no doubt leading to more spam: “Why on earth would you want to leave?” Do I let them go dormant? They’ll get tired of me eventually, right? I doubt it; I’m pretty sure they’re run by robots. Maybe I should date a robot…they are programmable, aren’t they?