This past weekend, the enlightenment I alluded to eluded me.
Yet, in spite of the perpetual rain, I did enjoy some of the best food ever. Multiple cookouts, a shared effort by Scott and I (together 6 months now, btw, another situation in need of figuring out sometime in my foggy future). Burgers, ribs, potatoes and corn on the cob. The best bacon cheeseburgers (even the bacon got cooked on the grill). The best potatoes ever (skin-on, sliced, dotted with butter and olive oil, sprinkled with salt & freshly ground pepper, wrapped in foil). The best ribs ever, slathered with my (first time) homemade barbeque sauce, yummo. Corn on the cob, the best ever, soaked in water, cooked in their leaves, sweet and perfect. There was even a purchase made from an ice cream truck drive-by. (Yes, I’ve put on a few pounds, but mostly it was [semi-] healthy food!)
And a weekend long Monopoly game that never quite got finished. And just enough work to justify all the fun.
Four days of pure relaxation and enjoyment, begging the question, yet again, why am I leaving? There is actually more than one question (there are many), and all of the answers are there – right there – just under the surface of my temporary (and incomplete) contentment.
It’s a glass-smooth surface, with no potholes, no jagged edges. (Well, maybe a few.)
And it’s a level surface. No wild tipping back and forth, slipping and sliding to maintain my footing. (Well, maybe once in awhile.)
There is no mountain-sized crisis waiting around the corner to ambush me. (Well, maybe one or two, but my foundation is stronger now.)
I am – while I can – enjoying my peace, my comfort, my
balance-bordering-on-boredom. If it gets too easy, if I become too complacent, I know just how to stir things up.
And I will. (If God doesn’t get around to it first.)
P.S. For those of you who prefer actual details over vague, artsy-word-stuff:
· The house continues to be shown, but I’ve gotten zero feedback from the realtor, even after all the improvements that have been made. I could pressure them to be more proactive but, like I said above, peace and contentment, for now.
· My mortgage company also continues to drag their feet, calling me every 2 or 3 weeks to tell me nothing has happened. Next appointment, next Tuesday. I could pressure them, but, well, see the point above.
· My job. I still have one. My boss is a grumpy, old sour-puss. He is 2 years older than me, but I am 20 years younger than him. He brings me down daily but it most certainly could be worse. I’ve learned to live buoyantly. Floating is fantastic compared to crawling, and singing is so much better than screaming.
· I will be in Wisconsin for the wedding rehearsal in June and I will be in Albuquerque for the wedding-of-the-century in September. I have a dress, but not an address. Yet.