Now That’s Funny, Part 6 (?)
No good news on the dating scene, except that I have learned to (easily) distinguish the posers from the reals. Well, maybe not, because all I’m getting is posers.
First, yet another “military” guy, with a really fake-looking photo, and about six words in his profile, telling me how much he loved my profile, and that he got “stuckedg” [sic] at my oh-so-beautiful photo. I told him to bug off and he did: he completely deleted his account. Then some guy from California who said he was originally from Italy (to explain his broken English?). After only 2 messages, and letting me know he would be willing to relocate in order to address the “distance issue,” he asked for my email and phone number. I told him I wasn’t going outside the dating site until I knew more about him. He immediately deleted his account. And then there was “Cappie96” who said “Wow, you are really beautiful!” And then I found out he was 18 years old. Oh, and I've continued to resist the impulse to mess with Anthony, who is always online, presumably suckering another potentially gullible victim. That just really pisses me off.
Shall we now venture out into the real world for just a minute? How about my 18 year old neighbor, Austin? We sat on my back porch chatting for a couple of hours last weekend. I told him about my foray into the world of cyber dating. He said, “Why don’t you just go to Cabool?” I said, “I have. And Norwood. And Mansfield. It ain’t happening around here, plain and simple.” Then he offered me his “stud services.” Seriously. While his girlfriend was in his bed across the street taking a nap. I told him thanks but no thanks, which is the same answer I gave to his dad, Tommy, (currently in prison for a probation violation) when he made the same offer a couple of years ago. And then Austin decided to introduce me to his uncle. Well, that ain’t happening either. The guy talks like he was (or is) on meth for the last 100 years or so. They call it “marble-mouth.”
And today, Frank and Melissa happened to be in town. Melissa had the audacity to pop her head into my workplace to say hello, while Frank was two doors down getting a tattoo. Hours later, when I left work, as I was crossing the street to my car, I glanced to my left to check for traffic. I spotted this really good looking guy on the corner, and I said to myself, “Why can’t I meet someone like that?” The guy glanced at me and then looked away, and I thought to myself, “Well, crap, don’t I deserve a double-take?” I was dressed mighty fine, today, I must say.
Then I realized it was Frank.
That’s really funny!