EXERCISING MY MUSCLES
I can’t deal with an intro, so we’ll just launch right into it…
I am currently taking at least 6 courses online. Unofficial, un-degreed learning “opportunities.” New things, new skills, new neuron-firings. Because I want to, because sometimes I think my brain is dying faster than my body.
Or because I need to appear fresh and new and exciting to a prospective new employer.
On my next interview (on Wednesday 8/22) (10th-ish over the past few months), I will need to convince my prospective employer that I am not retiring anytime soon (ageism?). I know this to be a theory, because contrary to a popular previous generation-defined definition, I am NOT desirous of retirement. I don’t have kids, my empty nest is as empty as it always was, and I’m ready to do what I’ve always been ready to do, which is to satisfy my muscles, see below.) P.S. I love my job, but the pay sucks, and there is no room to advance. I need to advance…I need to march forward. And my feet freaking hurt, so I cannot march.
I do not, do not, need a shrink. Or do I? Over-thoughtfulness is not a weakness, right? I just need a sounding board. For a minute. Just for a minute, or a session, or two. No more than that, because I’m older and wiser and SHOULD have it all figured out by now. (See also “Body Muscle,” below, because that works every time. Exercise my body, and my mind will respond in kind. I know this. I have verifiable, scientific proof with my own body. That should be all I need…)
Self-explanatory (see previous statement, above). If you’re my age, you get it. If you’re younger, then you need to invite me into your camp, and remind me (frequently, because you’re young and vibrant and you still believe) how good it feels to be active and vibrant. Because I remember, and so do my muscles, every time I use them. And I do, regularly. I will not die because of physical decline. But I could do better. (See above, and repeat.)
(a/k/a) the Heart. Wow. That’s a big one. Not sure where to go with that.
I am back with my family now, right where I need to be and right where I have been welcomed with open arms: broken, wounded, and in need of a REALLY BIG HUG. I have been accepted, and I am home..,
But, there’s this space…a void...sometimes a big, black hole…a scary place, I have trust issues (go figure)…
I want (need; [I hate the word “need”] /could use) a companion. I have a companion in mind, but I am legally bound not to act. No, it’s not my cousin. J
That being said, I’m pretty sure you don’t want to know, or maybe you already do, depending on your status in my life. You know who you are.
I’ve already said too much, and now I have to kill you. Watch your back.
Just invite me to a concert, buy me some wine, take me out on a date, and see if you can make me talk.
Speaking of concerts, this is…
…THE BIG ONE…
THE CREATIVE MUSCLE
Art, photography, writing, music.
I have a freaking degree and I’m a cashier at Pick and Save.
Did you know I played the guitar? I used to sing? I won a medal. I played drums and tambourine. I danced, nearly professionally. I’m considering joining the local theater group, encouraged (!) by a young cashier-actor-wanna-be who makes it all seem brand-new-possible. He says I should join. They need nuns for “Sister Act.” Is it necessary for me to identify with my role? I should probably watch the move and then decide. Or not. Really, I should just jump in. Seriously. Nothing to lose. Right? Of course you’re going to say, “right.”
Why can’t I?
This is at the end of my list, but I think it should be closer to the top. I really think this is a place I should explore, because it’s sort of a comfortable place, a relatively safe place that I know. But, more times than not, it involves heart break, and I think my heart is not strong enough.
But, maybe this could be a place
where all of my muscles to come together into one.
Crap (f-word preferred)
I don’t know
I’m afraid to look.
BODY, HEART, SOUL & MIND
All the same.
A hard place for me to consider, everything considered.
There is a lot to consider.